Saturday, March 04, 2006


It seems most regularly updated Blogs follow a five day a week schedule. This hadn't occured to me when I started this, but it's beginning to make sense to me now.

This is where it gets so weird it laps itself and returns to normal. My personal schedule is far removed from a Monday through Friday kind of thing, and has been for many years. Therefore, on the surface, Blogging M-F wouldn't seem logical in my case. However, Friday night tends to be a long night at work, making me tired and lazy on Saturday, and Sunday, while it's my day off, I usually have quite a bit on my agenda.

Every other week, I game on Sundays, as a matter of fact. Gaming being something I've intended to cover here, this also might seem counter-intuitive, but it actually cuts directly into the time I might otherwise be Blogging.

So, whatever, I think I'm going to try a Monday thru Friday Blog schedule. I could have just said that, but hey, this one's a freebie anyway. See you Monday.

Friday, March 03, 2006

"A Pissed off Rob is a Motivated Rob."

Yeah, apparently, and in more than one venue, it would seem.

I've got a lot going on right now, stuff I could actually lay a whole diatribe out about, but fortunately or unfortunately, I am not at liberty to talk about much of it on this kind of level. I'm not concerned about my own privacy on the matter, but it would simply be unethical to speak about in anything more than the broadest of terms.

However, it is something that is certainly taking up a large amount of my time and attention, and probably will be doing so for awhile. In fact, due to "A Pissed off Rob being a Motivated Rob," I have likely set myself up to be quite involved with said situation for quite some time.

So, in regards to this Blog, I have three options, as I see it so far:

A. Not talk about it.
B. Drop out of the Blogsphere, as it were.
C. Talk about it.

I actually sat down intending to implement A, but frankly there's too much of this floating around in my skull to try and turn around and talk of something trivial instead. B would ultimately leave me feeling like an ass, a quitter and a loser, not necessarily in that order. So, then there's C, which at this point I'm already embarking upon.

Well, there, we are. I shall endeavor to keep this in the broadest terms possible, then.

I'm part of a recovery group. I have mentioned previously that I used to drink and that I no longer do so, so this should, I would think, surprise no one. Several years ago I was very heavily involved with a local chapter of this group. In the last couple of years I have dropped in on the group but have been active elsewhere. Recently, people currently involved have asked me to come back by, expressing concern for the current state of the group and the actions of some of those who attend.

I didn't think much of it. It's always been a pretty rowdy group and people have always been concerned about some of the behavior of it's members. And, indeed, on most of the occasions I had recently attended it was perhaps, well, more annoying than I remembered, but nothing to get up in arms about.

Then I swung by Tuesday night. It was appalling. I was embarrassed. Again, we'll keep this in broad terms, but it was, in short, unacceptable. And it was not a percieved change due to long absence, it was flat out fucked up. (This has been corroborated by regular attendees.)

I simply left that night, as it was far too far gone to try and address in the moment. I returned, however, the following night. It was indeed much calmer, and while I acknowledged that, I spoke out harshly and at length about what I had seen the previous evening, and called for a return to the principles which support the recovery group as a whole, not just this particular chapter. This was largely well recieved and taken with an attitude of "It's about time."

And I managed to commit to re-involving myself more directly with the group, possibly in my old capacity, which may well be a large pain in my ass, but if that's what's meant to be, so be it.

That's all fine. Whatever. Great. Yay for me.

Trouble is, like many humans I am fallible; I can fuck up. And, regrettably, I did.

While I was making my rousing speech, I was asking, directly, by name, help from members of the group who I knew cared about it's survival. As I was doing so, a girl in the back, someone I actually like and respect, was waving her hand and saying, "Oh Pick me! Pick me!" in a playful tone. Unfortunatly, she was one of the people indulging in the fucked up behavior from the night before, and though it was much less severe in this case, her waving her hand around and talking while I had the floor was a form, though slight, of the kind of behavior I was speaking out against.

I had not intended to point a finger at any one person directly. It was, in fact, an inappropriate time and place to do so. Then again, I wasn't speaking from a prepared script, and I tend to shoot from the hip anyway. So, I basically ended up calling her out publically in front of everyone. This was wrong of me. I've attempted to talk to her, and well, as one might imagine, she's not terribly quick to forgive. That sucks, but I'll can now only offer amends, and she can accept it or not. I'm still more concerned about the group.

Of course, then, I only go and make things worse. I returned tonight. She was, actually, not there. (Which is a good thing, at this point. I wasn't exactly looking for her. I had seen her earlier in the day.) In any case, I was speaking about the group again, and in an attempt to illustrate how I thought it was more important to stand up for the principles of the group rather than be popular, I mentioned the incident of the previous night. Unfortunatly, what seemed to get across was that I don't give a fuck about that person. I didn't mention the person by name, but still. Also, it couldn't be farther from the truth.

Frankly, I think I'm most concerned about my message getting garbled.

But the real, grievious error is I've now wronged this person twice. Or, at the very least, I've made it seem like I have it out for them, which really sucks. One of her friends called me "An Officious Little Prick," which I actually found highly amusing. At least it was eloquent.

Regardless, many people have stepped up and thanked me for what I said, over all, and have pledged support for bringing things back to a semblence of order.

So, basically, I owe somebody a humble apology and I'm committed to helping restore a troubled recovery group. Both of which kind of suck on different levels.

I mean, fuck, I don't mind pissing people off to get things done, shit happens, but I don't need to do it simply out of clumsy speech and I really don't want to piss off people who can ultimately help. She's a decent person, she helps a lot of people. I fucked up.

Okay, I've left all of the names off of everything, so we should be okay, right? How about I don't fuck anything else up, huh?

Thursday, March 02, 2006

So here's my friends response to my outrage, and the fact I posted it all here:

A pissed-off Rob is a motivated Rob.

My work here is done. I'm needed elsewhere now. I'm needed wherever outlaws rule the West, wherever innocent women and children are afraid to walk the streets, wherever a man cannot live in simple dignity, wherever a people cry out for justice...

What a prick. He does get points for quoting Blazing Saddles.

More later.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

On The Scratching of Ass

So, I've told some folks what I was up to here. (You're one of them, aren't you?) The following was posted to a Message Board Thread on the Subject.

Bear in mind the poster I'm about to quote is one of my Best Friends on the Planet. He's allowed to say shit like this to me. He's also allowed to get told to Fuck Off for doing so. In any case, whether he pissed me off or not (and he did) the point he made was valid, as was, I think, my response to it. Anyway, here:

This is why I don't have a blog, aside from the rage I feel in my breast every time I hear, see, think, or type the word.

Today, I scratched my ass. It wasn't as spiritually satisfying as yesterday's ass scratch was, but maybe tomorrow will be better. I'll be running to Wal-Mart today to pick up a cheap back-scratcher on the off chance that it can also be used to scratch my ass. Here's a link to a website about ass-scratching that I found today. I had hoped that they would sell me a good ass-scratcher through the mail, but they just seem to have pictures of ass-scratchers throughout the ages. Fucking funny stuff, man. Oh, well. I may post more later if I'm not scratching something. My ass is getting a little raw, so I may go for the balls tonight.

To be fair, I actually agree with him on the idiocy of the term "Blog" itself, but I wasn't consulted as to it's validity, so I tend not to worry about it. Anyway, here's my response.

It's about accountability, asshole.

Or, to use your analogy, I can sit around thinking about how I really should improve my Ass-Scratching techniques, being as I have the means to do so, but if I only think about it privately, or write about it a private journal, (Dear Diary, my ass really itches. I know I should apply a side to side scratch, but I just can't seem to find the motivation...) my Ass will probably just continue to itch.

If I check in daily on my Ass scratching progress on a public blog that I've informed others who have been known to scratch an ass that I am posting to, I will likely feel more obligated to improve my ass-scratching.

All of that aside, those being why I personally have started this endeavor, there are some really useful and informative Blogs that have nothing to do with the Bloggers' personal lives. Some have multiple authors. Gizmodo, which is a really cool Blog about new gadgets is really fucking nice. Every day they show shit from around the world, new gee-gaws and gim-cracks. Really cool shit and where new technology is really heading. Boing Boing is good, though it is often centered with a political slant that would make Mik's head explode. Still a lot of cool art projects, events and news items you probably wouldn't otherwise find end up on there. Also, I like LifeHacker a lot, it's focus is on personal productivity, software and hardware that can help actually get shit done. Lot's of little tips and tricks, spyware free software downloads make there way on there, but, as with any software they focus on, they usually look at how to get it to actually accomplish something rather than just be a bell or a whistle.

These are the Blogs I read. There the kind of thing I'd eventually like to evolve into, but I don't think I can do that from the gate, so I made the start you've seen.

And yeah, the post this morning was just a check in on stuff I'd mentioned from the previous day, whether or not I'd accomplished the Ass-Scratching I'd set out to do or not. However, in an attempt to somewhat emulate the blogs I do admire, I made it a point to throw some other things in there. A "Thank you" of sorts for bothering to stop and read. Stuff that interested me, and that I hoped would interest my friends. In today's case, a free, tiny program that has great potential, a story on an interesting place, the likes of which I've never seen, (And would really like to go to) and a web site that will do for free what many pay hundreds and hundreds of dollars for, with the bonus of being able to access your stuff anywhere in the world that has the 'net access to surf to the page.

So, y'know, I'm trying. Thanks for the overwelming support.

I posted this here, because it further refines and focuses what I'm doing here in the first place, and what the hell this is about. That, and he pissed me off.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Fat Tuesday

L.A. is beautiful again. The sky's so blue it's painful.

Never got out of the pajamas yesterday, I didn't even set eyes on another human being. Drank coffee, sat on my ass and listened to the rain.

It was fucking awesome.

All those errends from yesterday? Yep, on the docket today, so this'll be short.

Here's some cool shit I found on the web today, couple a' beads I'm throwing out for The Fat Tue: (Show your Tits! -Hey, I'm developing a theme!)

Deskpins, via Lifehacker.

"Windows only: DeskPins is a simple little application designed to let you pin any program to the top layer of your desktop, meaning you can make any program 'always on top.'" Nice! (Description from LifeHacker, too.)

Also lifted from Lifehacker:

ThinkFree Office Online.
Open, edit, create, store and share MS Office Documents online...For Free. You can also post Word Docs straight to a Blog. (A feature I haven't used yet, but I'm sure to play with.)
This is damn cool. I hate e-mailing attachments, and I hate losing formatting, the uses for this are vast. Way, way cool.

(I guess you can tell I'm a big fan of the LifeHacker...)

Finally, Eat with Giraffes!

Giraffe Manor via Boing Boing.

(Edit: I nuked the Comic because on the Nag Strip. Check out User Friendly, anyway. The strip I posted was from yesterday.)

Off to work. I may not have any hot water to shower in. Send warm thoughts.


Monday, February 27, 2006

The Sky is Crying

It's raining like a bitch right now. It was beautiful yesterday... eh, whatever.

I kinda just want to hang out at the house and get my Zen on, but I've got a couple of errands to run. Gotta mail the taxes and get some groceries. It'd be a perfect day to do nothing more than sit around with coffee in my pajamas.

Oh well, I guess it'll be "Zen and the Art of Avoiding L.A. Drivers who Don't know How to Drive in the Frickin' Rain."

Apologies for the Long-Ass post yesterday, but it really was cathartic. Also, in the long run, I think it will really help me get some use out of this Blog. Hey, at least it gave me a descriptive tag line to work with for awhile.

Stuff that should be checked out:

A Lesson is Learned, but the Damage is Irreversible
PBF Archives

Happy New Moon.

I Don't Wanna Grow Up.

Here we go. That's the kind of dedication I expect to see.

I might just post an entry now and again if we have more of this sort of thing.

So, I'm told I need a "Niche." Something of interest to me that will be of interest to those out there.

Frankly, I'm not sure I care.

Is the delicate balance between Punk Rock and Geekery not enough? I don't fucking know. Maybe it's just right. Is it possible to have a midlife crisis if you refused to grow up in the first place? How do I reconcile my various interests into Bloggery without just spawning a incoherent mess? Is it even possible? Perhaps. In fact, I may be able to distill it right here and now. (Or maybe not, I guess we'll see.) Let's just free-form type some shit out and see what we come up with, huh?

Let's start at the top: Why would I Blog at all? Honestly, and as cheesy as this may sound, I want to grow. Perhaps if I attempted some focus and accountability in a Blog, it may help focus my day to day.

Great, but not only would that alone be boring as hell for anyone else, but I have a support network in real life. And I own a fucking journal. Obviously that alone would not only be cheesy, but lame. Also, it would bore me to fucking tears, as well.

Yet, there's something in there that is essential. Something about that quest forward that's necessary. In this Blogger Organism we are creating, we will call this the Spirit, the Soul, if you will..

(I say we; if there's anyone out there reading this, your input can help shape this Monster. Go find me a Fucking brain, Igor!)

So, that's the underlying Spirit, the quest for Spirit itself. Advancement as a Human. Striving to be Childlike rather than Childish.Keeping alive, as Heinlein put it, "That streak of Anarchy that is the political birthright of every American." Maintaining my Punk Rock Sensibilities while holding down a job. Growing up, without throwing out all of my Comic Books and Role Playing Games. Being a 36 year old man who can look out at the City of Los Angeles with both Child Like Wonder and Gratitude and the Jaded Cynicism of a Crusty Old Fuck who has lived here as long as I have and led the kind of life I've lived.

Cheerfully sarcastic, optimistic cynicism.

Boy, that sounds like a bunch of Horse Shit.

Oh, well, we'll roll with what we've got for now.

So, if all that happy Taoist shit is our Spirt, what about the Mind? This will likely be the meat of this Blog, should I actually ever post anything. <-Grin-> The Spirit and Mind are closely related, thus, not surprisingly, some of this was touched upon above. Mental Pursuits, Distractions, and Ponderings. Namely, Punk Rock, Comic Books, Role Playing Games and, of course, Computers and Gadgets.

Toys, bitch! Toys and Games!
(Wait, that sounds like Sex, shouldn't that be under "Body" instead of "Mind?")

Well, let's look at that, now. (Or, at least, use it as a cheap segue.) Blogging does seem primarily a Mental execise, so for our purposes, much of the focus will, indeed, be on those mental distractions we all love. So, what then of the "Body." Our Blog Organism certainly requires one. (Since I seem to want to beat this analogy to death anyway, we might as well finish it out.) The Body, as I see it, can be both the frame work the rest of the Blog lays upon, and those aspects of my life that directly effect the physical.

To whit: I have been exploring ways to increase productivity and organization, decrease clutter in my life and improve my diet, health and well-being. The desire for increased productivity is actually one of the things that led me to a Blog. Seems backward, perhaps, but it's more of an accountability thing. If I strive to check in with my goals here, perhaps I can keep myself to them. This is the framework I was referring to above.

These things are all tied in to my desire for a Career, rather than a Job. Some of you who know me may not be aware, but I'm a trained actor. I gave it up a few years ago, but I've come to find out it's not something one gives up. I don't talk about it at length because everyone in this town is an actor; it's, frankly, almost embarrassing. Little by little, however, I am back to pursuing this. I honestly don't think I have a choice, and that's neither a good thing or a bad thing.

And yes, I have a great job waiting tables.

These things, the tangible, the health issues, emotional, mental and physical, will serve as Our Bloganism's Body. I should, I suppose, while on the subject, mention that I used to drink. A lot. I also used to do many different drugs, some in great quantities. I no longer do so, and haven't for several years. I don't want this Blog to be about that, but it is a part of who I am, so I'm sure it''ll come up in places.

If anyone is experiencing a problem with these things, feel free to e-mail me and we can discuss it separately. You don't want everyone else hearing about that shit, anyway, probably.

Anyone who doesn't have a problem with the various substances: Party On, Dude. Just because I have a problem with Drugs and Alcohol doesn't mean others can't enjoy them. Again, I doubt I'll bring it up much from here on out.

This subject constitutes body, mainly, though it fits with Spirit, as well.

Of course, most of what I mentioned can be cross categorized. I have no intention of labeling everything on my Blog as "Mind, Body or Spirit" going forward, like some fucked up New Age Guru wannabe, it's just a tool to help me focus things, and hopefully, make the whole thing a more enjoyable read. Not much accountability can be achieved if no one's reading. I have both a journal and a pen if I wanna do that.

So, what does our creature look like? I guess it'll be the Adventures of a 36 year old Man in his pursuit of Punk Rock, Gaming and Comic Books and his Attempt to get his Collective Shit Together. Is that enough of a Niche? I'm sure Gratuitous Sex will work its way in there, too. (Shit, will Blogspot edit those boobs? Guess I'll find out.)

So, I guess there's nothing left but to flip the switch and bring this Monster to life. I guess I hit this button marked "Publish Post" ...